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Meanwhile our competition—the smooth-talking, Prada-wearing Italiano—has all the advantages when it comes to both the local girls and female expats.

He’s been practicing his art in situ since he was old enough to shout “ciao, bella!

I couldn’t help cringing when I heard of this plan, but I wished him luck and offered my advice, should he desire it.

asked me to write an article for an Italian website about my experience in Italy.But their homegrown women are becoming much too modern for their tastes and so they might be happier eventually marrying a nice Russian girl who looks good in her high heels and short skirt and behaves herself properly (read: submissively) as long as the Gucci handbags are gifted with regular frequency. devastated by the Latin Lover, but now spoiled by his doting affections, making her compatriots seem, well, boring by comparison. My central idea for the article was to explore how difficult it can be to discern something as unwritten and subtle as courtship protocols in another country.American girls are overwhelmed by the attention given to them by all the Romeos on Vespas, but then are heartbroken when they realize the true (read: temporary/sexual) nature of the boy’s interest. And what’s to become of the poor Italian girl who’s much too sophisticated to be attracted to an American and much too intolerant to betroth herself to an Italian? It took me more than four decades to figure out my own culture’s accepted norms and then all of a sudden I had to question everything and start from scratch. In fact, my Italian wife and I are doing our part to populate the next generation of Italians. So now it’s more important than ever for me to figure out what those mischievous little boys are up to so that I can…kill them all no matter where the hell they come from!The truth is, we don’t have the slightest clue of what’s going on right in front of us.Case in point: last summer I met your typical Italian-American goombah at an aperitivo on the Isola one night.We can’t even steal their lines, it seems, and attempting to do so only makes us look more foolish.